“Sometimes being a big sister is even better than being a princess.”
Kaila was the center of our world for four years. She was used to getting all of the attention and she had no idea what was about to happen to her sweet little world.
Change is Scary
If you are anything like me, then you are probably sitting there, feeling that little one in your belly, wondering how you will divide your time equally among both kids. This is rarely talked about. We feel guilty knowing most of our attention will be on the newest member of our family. It is okay to have these feelings, but there are ways to include the older child too and make them feel special.
I have prepared a list of five ways that personally helped my family include our oldest, Kaila, when our twins were born. That’s right! You thought adding one baby was going to be a challenge, well now try adding two babes! That was completely unexplored territory and it scared the crap out of me. So lets jump right into my top 5:
- Create opportunities for one-on-one time with your oldest child. This does not necessarily have to be an outing. It can be while the new baby is napping. Do not stress the time factor. Chances are that your oldest child is craving your attention and will appreciate anything that you offer them. Take advantage of any amount of time (yes even if it is only five minutes) that you have and do their favorite activities with them. Whether that be coloring, building blocks, pretend play or even just reading a book. I can guarantee that they will be so excited to participate in these activities with you. You will probably feel refreshed as well. Kids have a way of reminding us how blessed we are to be mama even in the midst of the chaos.
- Let them help with simple tasks for the baby. A great example of this is grabbing a new diaper. This will also help you mama. Lord knows you will be exhausted and could use some help. You could say something like, “hey honey do you want to help mommy with your sister? I would love if you could go grab a diaper.” You will be surprised with how often this answer will be yes. They want to feel included and needed. Soon, this activity will become their job and they will be your best little helper.
- The baby will get attention everywhere so make sure if the baby is being complemented you include your oldest. For example, “Oh what a beautiful baby girl.” You can say, “Thank you so much we are now blessed with two beautiful girls.” This reminds your oldest they are an important part of your life. They are definitely feeling like their world has been completely changed and their level of importance to you has gone down.
- Ask people to bring a small gift for your oldest if they bring something for the baby in front of them. This does not have to be huge to be effective. The baby shower has probably already happened. I am sure that there is some ounce of jealousy going on from all those gifts baby brother or sister got. If you feel uncomfortable asking people to bring an extra gift, then you can always stock up on some fun dollar store toys and have those on hand. This is a great way to make them feel important and included, but also not break the bank.
- If mom is occupied with baby and dad is home definitely take advantage. He can give your oldest his complete attention. I would suggest even going into another room or going out for a special walk together. This shows the older sibling that you care about them. You can also offer to let them choose a fun activity to do. I like to remind Kaila she gets to do big girl activities her sister’s do not get to do because they are so little. This makes her feel special too.
You just have to dive in and do some trial and error. Each child is different and has different needs. I hope that these tools will better prepare you for the journey you are about to take and I am here to tell you that you got this mama. Believe in yourself and take it one day at a time. If you ever feel like you need prayer or advice you can always reach out to me. Until we meet again, xoxo.
This is absolutely key when a new baby comes along. I have three kids, and when I was pregnant with the 2nd and 3rd, I made sure to include the kids in every aspect possible so they felt really good about their new siblings.
Sounds like you are a pro now mama and that is great. What a blessing it is to be mom to multiple kids. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
This is such an important thing to do and do well. Love the tips you give, useful for many parents I am sure.
I agree about the importance of including the older children. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
Some fantastic tips! I am not a mama, but I have a few friends who have just had their second child – I will definitely share this post with them :)q
I appreciate you sharing and taking the time to comment. Thank you!
Change is never easy, and adjusting to a new member of the family is a HUGE change for a little one. We went through it thrice with our children. It was nice to have our oldest help and interact with his siblings. You have a beautiful family!
Three times makes you a bit of a pro mama! Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it!
Your kids are so cute!!! I could have used this when I had my second 13 years ago! Also, we had to work harder because our second had special needs so we had to do extra to take care of her. Thanks for sharing!
Oh I bet that presented even more of a challenge but I have no doubt that you are an amazing mama. Thank you so much for commenting.
You have a great list of tips to involve the older kids into the everyday acitivities. This is super great not only given the attention to the older one but at the same time teaching to be more responsible and care for others. It also make them feel very important too.
As one of 5 children, I can totally relate. My youngest sister was the baby of the family and got all the attention for 9 years until another one popped out. Funny to see that happens to a lot of families
These are such great tips for including the older child. The new baby always gets so much attention and the older child can feel lonely and left out!
This is such a great post – it can be so daunting introducing the older child to the new baby even after all that time spent carrying the baby in our tummy. It is so important to involve the older children.
The older child can be quite sensitive to a new baby. These are really helpful ideas.
What a great tips. This is something that we really need to do to our kids. It is important to have equal attention to all of them.
I’m the oldest (by 4.5 years). My parents got me a shirt that said “I’m the Big Sister.” They tell me that they used to keep me involved by asking for help with things like diapers. I think these are really good tips to help the older child feel included.
So, so true. It’s difficult for the oldest little one after being the centre of attention for so long to try and figure out what’s changed. When my daughter was born we bought a whole bunch of dinosaurs for my son and gave him one everyday and told him it was a pressie from his little sister, because he was her hero. And even now that they’re bigger, he still sees himself as her hero and will do anything to protect her
I cannot thank you enough for this post. I am writing a book on stay at home moms. and this gives me some insight on it. Thank you 🙂
These are really great tips and I agree that we should also give our time and attention to our oldest child while the baby is napping it also helps us to avoid jealousy between the two.